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SET FIRM BOUNDARIES WITHOUT SAYING “NO”

September 5th, 2017 | 4 comments

Have you ever felt your strong-willed child’s constant demands and empathetic “NO”s steam roll your ability to set safe, firm and consistent boundaries?

I remember the alarming feeling the first time my 21-month Ayaan yelled “NO” in my face when I tried to brush his teeth.

It didn’t feel good. I immediately went into my body and could feel a rush of energy go from my head down to my chest where my heart started to thump. That was my sign I was about to get triggered.

I knew what would come out of my mouth wouldn’t be in a loving or pleasant tone so I let the power struggle go for a moment to breathe and *try* to come back to a neutral mind.

This power struggle was the perfect opportunity for me to see how I can mesh some mindfulness into setting boundaries and I can report 5 months later we have made INCREDIBLE progress. NOT perfect… A less triggered mama and better transitions.

Getting into power struggles with your kids is a big energy sucker.

Why? Because time spent debating, yelling, taming tantrums and calming our mind and body is precious time NOT spent on connecting with our kids.  Learning a better approach to respectfully communicating while setting firm boundaries is especially crucial if you don’t have a lot of free time to waste. (Ughhh ME!!)

In this TejalTV episode, you’ll learn why and how to drop the destructive power struggles and you’ll also pick up a few simple and easy-to-implement strategies to set boundaries in calm, supportive and firm, but kind way.

 

Now I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.

Today, we talked about creating consistent boundaries through connection and play.

Based on everything we discusses, what’s the single most important action you can take right now to support you and your children to make sure both of you feel heard, compassionate and validated? Leave a comment below and let me know.

Please don’t be shy to share as much detail as possible. I read and respond to every comment and I know the other mamas who join us from around the world would deeply benefit from your wisdom too.

Thank you from the depths of my heart for watching, sharing your perspective and making this space in the Internet a kind and supportive place.

Feeling out of control when you are trying to provide safe boundaries for your children can feel exhausting and overwhelming if you don’t have a plan… Give the gift of a plan to a mama in need.

If a mama you know gets lost in the power struggle sinkhole, please share this post on social media or with them personally.

With so much appreciation,

www.tejalvpatel.com

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4 people have commented
  1. Very thoughfully put across points. Though sometimes explaining consequences also fails for me when 2.5 yo becomes over curious to experience or wants to help in cooking or chores. But yes we have to continue to keep explaining and gradually they understand. Constant NOs r big power struggles and “distraction” or “diversion” works sometimes for me. Like just asking a totally unrelated question, reminding him of last or upcoming fun trip or shopping.

    • I hear you mama, I have a 2.5 year old too. You’re totally right – Distraction and redirect isn’t 100% but it’s actually GOOD for our kids to feel sad sometimes. Cause life will give us situations right where we will feel sad. Things won’t go our way. I truly believe it build resilience and when we do it from a place of teaching and empathetically connecting instead of shutting down their feelings, I truly believe they grow.

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