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HOW PRAISE CAN DAMAGE YOUR CHILD’S SELF-ESTEEM

August 15th, 2017 | 7 comments

I believe there is a mistaken understanding among parents today that children need praise.

If you’ve ever told your children, “You are amazing, you always do well!” or Good job! or You are the best one out there!—- do you know you you may be damaging your child’s self-esteem?!

When I first learned about this, I was like “Say Whattt?!”

If you were like me, my parent’s version of discipline was through negative reinforcment and (occasional) praise when I did something that made them feel good.

I’d get the pat on the back when I got the occasional A grades or if I won the spelling bee. Let’s be real for a sec, that never happened, but I was the first Indian kid EVER to get kicked out of the spelling bee first haha!!

Here’s the truth.

Praise builds us up from the outside which means we are raising children who are people-pleasers and approval seekers.

When we rob our children from developing their intrinsic motivation to find their resilience, gifts, and strengths it builds dependence on others for validation and accolades to feel worthy.

Every child is hard-wired to want the approval of their parents. So when our undeveloped minds start believing we are “bad” when we aren’t getting praised or the attention we desire, we start shifting our behavior to get those little dopamine hits when we get attenion and praise.

And don’t forget we were kids too!! Our unhealed patterns remain within us and then we become parents.

So many of us who grew up with negative reinforcement vowed that we would do the complete opposite.

So we became praise junkies to our kids.

It’s now time to find the middle ground. The balance to building our children’s self-esteem and confidence the right way.

If you’re on the positive parenting bandwagon of praise, this week’s TejalTV episode is for you.

If you want to raise children who are confident and resilient than this is a MUST watch. Check it out now!.

 

Now I want to hear from you.

Share in the comments below which encouraging phrases you’ll start practicing with your children. If you have some encouraging statements you already use, please feel free to share your wisdom with us. I can’t wait to learn from YOU.

Moving forward, let’s committ to encouraging our children instead of praising them.

Thank you so much for watching, connecting and joining the conversation.

Sending you infinite blessing and light,

www.tejalvpatel.com

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7 people have commented
    • You are so welcome Zaina! This is one of my deep passions and missions. I created a course called the Mindful Beginnings Program that helps children build emotional balance, confidence and mindfulness so if you every have any questions, feel free to ask me… xoxo

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