So today I’m gonna get raw, real and intimate and share a piece from Ayaan’s journal.
It’s so easy to miss little shifts in our baby if we aren’t fully in-tune with them. This post is my journey of savoring those tender, simple and sweet moments that can easily get forgotten as we move through our daily life.
This is my account on the simple and sweet moments I hope to etch into my soul and remember for eternity.
I mustered the courage to share a sentimental entry of a piece a wrote in my son’s journal.
At the end of the blog I’ld love to hear from you.
[teal]Share your favorite simple yet touching memory of your little one. I would LOVE to hear about your sappy and sweet moments.[/teal]
Do you remember the early morning your journey into the physical world began? I whispered how excited I was to embrace the right of passage to motherhood and how thrilled I was to meet you. That secret moment of excitement and nervousness was only for us to share. To see you alert and awake was my motivation to birth you naturally and drug-free. You gave me strength, to stay within a meditative state, as I labored for 17 hours.
Do you remember the moment you were born? I palpably felt our auras connected as one. Just like you didn’t want to be away from me, I didn’t want to be away from you. From the moment you left my body, each time you are away from me, I feel like a part of my soul is outside my body. I will remember the tears me and daddy shared when we heard you cry and saw your little body for the first time. There was relief, excitement and a burst of unconditional love.
Do you remember the first time the nurse brought you close to me? You cried from the moment you entered the physical world, being poked, prodded and cleaned. The moment you were brought close to me was the only moment you stopped crying. I will remember your beautiful and perfect little face the first time I laid eyes on you.Do you remember the first time our eyes met? It wasn’t two people meeting for the first time. There was a familiar re-meeting of two souls. I will remember the deep recognition, comfort and love we shared in that moment. I whispered I love you in our ear, I had a deep knowing this was a continuance of a deep love from many lifetimes before.
Do you remember your first night in your new home? You changed the definition of Friday night all nighters as daddy slept on the floor of your room and I rocked you to sleep on your rocking chair. You would only fall asleep cradled in my arms. I will remember in the early morning hours, how you gently opened your eyes, recognized you were in my arms, gazed into my eyes and gave me your first big smile before you contently went back to bed.
Do you remember all those special bonding moments when I was feeding you? These special, private sweet moments were only for us to share. I will remember the way you wrapped your little hand perfectly around my finger and held on so tightly. Kissing your hands were my favorite pastime when I was feeding you.
Do you remember your dreams when you slept peacefully? Gazing at your face as you slept, was witnessing divine peace and stillness. I will remember all the beautiful smiles and crying faces you would make when you were dreaming. I still wonder if you were thinking of your past lives or still connected to the spiritual realm. Can you tell me if you remember?
Do you remember all the sweet moments we stared deeply into each others eyes? Your eyes were like infinite mirrors that reflected back great wisdom, love and pureness. I will remember your beautiful marble brown eyes that reflected how divine and deep your old soul truly is.
Do you remember how you would fall asleep on my chest? You would find your way to my chest as if it was a perfectly created nook just for you. I never knew that the other half of me was missing until you came along to fill in that void in my heart. I will always remember the feeling of your soft cheek on my chest.
Do you remember how I would look at you with love and admiration? From the moment I laid eyes on you, you were always the most special and beautiful boy to me. I will remember each detail on your precious face since it is the first thing I see in the morning and last thing I see before I go to bed.
Do you remember the nights we cuddled in bed together? You would always wiggle close to me so that our heads would touch. I will always remember how you snuggled your head into my neck so you could feel my heartbeat. Only you know what my heartbeat sounds like from the inside and how deeply my heart beats for you.
Do you remember how my instinctual protective mama bear comes out? Anyone who made my baby cry would have to deal with my wrath. I will remember the tears in my eyes when I heard you cry when you were getting your blood drawn for your jaundice test. From that moment on, I knew I would do anything to protect, console and help you. Nobody would be able to mess with my son without dealing with me.
Do you remember how tiny yet long your little feet were? You loved stretching your toes and I loved massaging them. I will always remember how I would play with your toes and think how someday they will be bigger than my feet.
Do you remember how you posed liked a baby buddha? You would always cross your legs in easy pose when you sat up and you slept like a sleeping buddha with your hands under your face and your legs crossed. I will remember the first time you were sat up to burp, you showed the world you were a yogi straight from the womb. All that Kundalini yoga and meditation during pregnancy is a part of you.
Do you remember the first time you found the strength of your voice? Your voice will always be music to my ears. More beautiful than hearing my own name. Your name, your voice and your smile is the remedy to the pain of the world. You are my secret elixir.
Do you remember the way you cracked me open to love in ways I never knew possible? Only you know how my heart feels from the inside. What my passions, dreams, desires and fears are. I will always remember that you picked me to be your mother. I’m so honored you are my son as I know you feel honored to have me as your mother.
Do you remember each milestone you reached? From smiling, cooing to sleeping on your own, walking, your last breastfeeding, our first slow dance, your first day of school to the first day of college…I will remember and cherish each moment we share together. We’ve experienced some but looking in anticipation for many milestones in the future. Knowing that each day, I get one day closer to letting you go to independently spread your wings out in the world…
You won’t remember these memories in your mind, but I will hold them in my heart for the both of us. As I grow older, and we share new memories, some of these memories may fade. Though they may fade from the forefronts of our mind, our boundless love and how these memories made us feel, are deeply etched in both of our souls, for all of eternity. They will never be forgotten. Our souls will hold these sweet moments for us so when we meet again, we will be blessed with that same familiar recognition we experienced when our eyes met for the first time on April 1st, 2015. And many times before.
Here’s to a journey of making unforgettable, loving and intense soul stirring memories.
Love Your Mommy…
Tejal