It’s so easy to just get into the habit of showing kids praise by saying “Good Job”, “Good Girl or Good Boy.”
But I’m gonna be real with you. Saying this actually works against what you desire, creating connection and giving confidence to boost validation.
Here’s why.
When we say our children are a “good boy or good girl”, we teach them that we only give approval when they do things that we deem satisfactory. They basically start believing their self-worth is dependent on what they do, how they act and perform. They are smart cookies. They’ll begin to pick-up when you give them praise and when you don’t and they’ll start choosing behaviors that will give them the response they want from you.
What happens when they don’t get your approval?
They start believing they are bad. They aren’t worthy and they aren’t being seen. That’s where the roots of low self-confidence begin.
Of course, that most certainly is NOT our intention. We want to raise, happy, successful and confident children but this one pattern is basically perpetuating the cycle of raising “approval seekers” and “people pleasers”.
How do I know this to be true?
Because I was that little girl who became an attention seeker. First, it was my parents. Then it was from guys. And then in my late 20’s I understood where this pattern of low self-esteem stemmed from my childhood.
I realized this unquenchable desire for validation, acceptance I had was because I wanted to be seen, heard and accepted for who I was, not because of the grades I got or how well I listened to them.
I’m now a recovering approval seeker.
Now in my 30’s, after finally breaking free from this pattern, I wanted to find ways to nurture confidence and self-worth at a young age.
We want our children to have a strong sense of self and know that their worth doesn’t come from how they act, BUT it comes from exactly how they are, in this moment. Without changing one single thing. They need to be constantly reminded of the beautiful and radiant soul they are.
As their parents, it’s our duty to continue to reinforce they are positive, peaceful and powerful no matter what they do.
So how do we raise resilient, free-thinking and confident children who follow their hearts and not succumb to the wishes and opinions of others, it all begins by truly saying positive affirmations that reinforce the power of their true self or their soul?
First, we gotta be super clear and specific what we are praising our kids on. Rather than saying a good job, say I’m so impressed how well you are listening. That’s so awesome. Or rather than a good boy, say that’s terrific you put your shoes away. Thank’s so much.
So yes, it’s going to require you to be creative with what you say and really be present with your kids so you know exactly what positive act they did so you can give them appropriate positive praise.
But I’m here to help you get started.
Here are 20 of the best things you can say to your kids besides they are “GOOD” to build confidence, self-worth and genuine connection with your children.
Start the sentence with: “I’m so impressed that you or I think it’s so amazing that you…” and then finish with one of these sentences
- Listen to your heart
- Are so brave
- Believe in yourself
- Try your best and don’t give up
- Always look on the bright side
- Take your time
- Appreciate the little things in life
- Are so creative
- Share your gifts with the world
- Are so thoughtful
- You listen so well
- Share your kindness with others
- Enjoy every day to the fullest
- Gently speak your mind
- Are so kind to yourself
- Ask questions
- Are so peaceful
- Focus on the good things
- Believe anything is possible
- Are such a loving friend
And one more cause 21 is my favorite number
21. Accept others
There you have it 21 mindful, heart-warming and soulful comments you can make to your children that will help raise the into the calm, compassionate and confident children you most desire them to be.
So now I’d love to hear from you.
In the comments below, share some of the positive affirmations you tell your child to help raise them into more positive, happy and kind people. I can’t wait to add them on to my list!
I want to end with. I think it’s so amazing with so many different paths to raising your children, you chose one that will bring you and your family the most peace, love, and happiness. You are such an inspiration mama. I love you!
All my best,
