Every time I tell a someone I teach mamas how to effortlessly infuse 5 minutes of mindfulness and meditation into their life, I hear:
“My brain is way too overactive to be mindful.” or “I’m too busy, I don’t have time to slow down.” or “The last thing I need is to add another item on my to-do list.”
I understand totally can understand this. I forget to be mindful all the freakin’ time.
I’m a chronic over-thinker. I drive my son to school but I’ve been so distracted by what I have to do for my big launch that I have no idea how the heck I got there. I spill smoothie all over the kitchen floor, misplace my cell phone (all the damn time) and pinch my little boys leg as I buckle him in the car seat because I’m not fully paying attention.
And yet I absolutely practice meditation and mindfulness on a daily basis. And I actually have never felt more confident, centered and calm in my entire life.
You’re probably thinking, that sounds a lot like my hot mess of a day. How is even possible that I practice meditation and mindfulness everyday?
So what’s the difference between me and my mama friends who insist that they can’t meditate? It’s certainly not that I’m not some blissed-out Buddha Mama. It’s that I understand what mindfulness is and how to effortlessly infuse it into my daily life
And despite these moments, I can laugh as I clean up my spilled smoothie. I can calmly stop, breathe and clear my mind so I can be guided to the last place I left my cell phone. And I can make eye contact and tune into my son as a deeply apologize for my lack of attention from the moment before.
I want you to be able to experience those moments of quick recovery too.
Here are a few reasons you might be having a hard time getting started and what you can do about it:
1. You don’t understand what mindfulness is about.
Mindfulness is not about always constantly happy and present every moment of your life. It’s not about moving through life from a constant blissed-out state, either.
Mindfulness is choosing to pause and pay attention to whats happening in this moment with acceptance. You don’t gotta like what’s happening, but you definitely gotta let go and accept it.
It’s about noticing when you’re mind wanders off to a “spaced out” state and guiding it back to what you are doing in this moment.
And yes you might feel like your bringing your attention back to the moment like 30 times a minutes, this means you are doing it absolutely right!
And remember no matter how spaced out, forgetful, snappy or impulsive you are, all you gotta do is pause and start again.
2. Only practice when you’re upset
When you do this you are only making it harder on yourself. It’s like never doing an open-water swim and deciding to go out during high-tide in the Pacific Ocean for your first swim. Well of course it’s going to be hard as hell and you’ll be scared to do it again.
Most mamas want to yell less at their kids. So what do they do? They try to practice mindfulness when they are angry when they are newbies to the practice.
Why oh why are you doing this to yourself mama?! You are giving yourself homework that nobody ever assigned you!!
The best way to learn to practice mindfulness is to start by doing it when you’re relatively calm so that when you’re in the middle of a difficult moment, you can automatically come back to the tool that will help you calm down quickly and then you can practice alongside your kids so they can cool down too.
3. You’re making it too complicated
Yes, meditation helps strengthen your mindfulness muscles, but you don’t have to spend 6 weeks at an ashram to learn how to do it or 10 days at a silent retreat. You don’t have to wake up at the crack of dawn to meditate for 30 minutes (but, if you do, ROCK ON!). You can have a powerful meditation practice in just 3 minutes a day and for the rest of the day you can just notice your wandering mind as you shower, in the grocery store line, while opening doors or drinking your tea.
You can take a deep breaths before you send a text or snap at your kids. Really you can do it anywhere.
Mindfulness isn’t about being perfection, it’s about progress.
4. You’re trying to do it alone
There is a saying in mindfulness “Practicing mindfulness is easy, but remember to practice is hard.”
It’s hard to break our patterns of worrying, remembering, thinking and planning. When we are practicing a new skill we need the support of like-minded mamas who will encourage us to keep practicing. We need to be surrounded by women who are empathic to our struggles so they can offer guidance. And really the most important thing is to know that we are not alone.
When I was started my own practicing, having other like-minded women to connect with was one of the best parts of the journey. It help me stay committed to my practice and feel part of a community since nobody around me was on the same path as me.
I want my Mod-Zen mamas to feel that deep connection and support because being a mindful mama isn’t mainstream yet. That’s why as part of The Mindful Mama Experience, I have a private forum especially for mamas who are taking the course.
This is the place where we hold each other accountable, share each others win and support each other through our struggles.
The next time you notice yourself thinking you can’t practice mindfulness because your mind is too active, or busy remember this: you are more powerful than your thoughts. All you gotta do is start again and practice.
Meanwhile you’ll find me spilling my smoothies as I breathe my way back to the present moment.
So now I’d love to hear from you.
In the comments below, share one of the biggest reasons that hold you back from practicing mindfulness? Is it a fear? Is it wondering what others think? Is it skepticism that it won’t work? Whatever it is- I want to hear about it.
Thank you for trusting me each week to show up in your life. And thank you for being a part of mine.
Love you!
