What do mommy’s fear more than explosive yellow poo on the changing table and toddlers who scream because they wanna stand during take off and landing? Ohhh that treacherous mommy guilt…
That dreaded emotion that creeps up anytime you feel like you haven’t lived up to your highest potential. When deep down you know you could do better.
Mommy guilt inflicts all of us in our own unique way.
Today, we are going to talk about the only thing that can bust mommy guilt FOR GOOD regardless of how it manifests in your life.
Recently when we were traveling in Copenhagen all my worst fears came together- explosive poo, temper tantrum toddler, AND mommy guilt.
We were eating lunch at an Italian restaurant and it began to downpour. We couldn’t go back to our hotel and of course, Ayaan had a poopy diaper in a restaurant that had no changing table- not to mention the bathroom was airplane sized. Ayaan screamed the minute I laid him down. All he wanted to do was stand up. I felt a deep annoyance, anger, and frustration inside as the poo started going everywhere and he did everything to work against me to clean his diaper.
Being miserable. I put the diaper back on, marched out the bathroom and handed my son to his daddy. And impatiently said “He’s being impossible. You deal with him.”
Of course, Chirag’s energy was calmer than mine. He laid him down and changed Ayaan effortlessly. Ayaan didn’t make a peep.
5 minutes later, when I calmed down, you betcha… I was rolling in mommy guilt for being so angry and impatient.
My poor baby was probably more uncomfortable than I was having to lay on a bathroom floor and rather than ease his anxiety, I added to it by dumping my anxious and impatient energy all over him.
Mommy guilt creeps up in unexpected situations even when you have the best of intentions to be a calm, centered and conscious. Even though we aren’t yelling on the outside, if we are yelling on the inside, our kids are reading and feeling that energy.
Guilt shows up because deep down we know that we weren’t fully present and weren’t in the right state of mind to make the best choices for everyone involved.
So what is a mama to do?
The only thing that makes mommy guilt powerless is being truly submerged in the moment. And the best tool to help us do that is by practicing mindfulness.
When we are at the moment, we are fully allowing ourselves to be the best we can be with the consciousness we have at that moment. It doesn’t’ mean we won’t make mistakes, it just means that we can open ourselves up to learn from our mistakes by being gentle with ourselves.
Here are 3 steps to mindfully approach mommy guilt.
Ask yourself:
- Were you fully present in that moment?
- What are you meant to learn from that situation?
- Next time how can you more mindfully handle the situation?
The last step that is the most important, is gentle with yourself AND FORGIVE.
You aren’t here to be perfect, you are here to learn from your mistakes and become a better mama and person from them.
When we are confident that we were present and did our best, there is no space for mommy guilt to survive or take root in our heart.
Now on to you.
I’d love for you to share one thing that makes you feel mommy guilt, what you believe you are meant to learn from it and your game plan to handle it differently in the future.
Remember share as much detail as possible because it helps you get clear on how to heal your situation and it inspires us as well.
Thank you for always being honest, being a part of this community and the revolution to fully awaken so we can raise awake, mindful and emotionally balanced children.
XOXO,
Ah so needed this today! We are finally making our way back from being away for 3 1/2 weeks. Today, was supposed to be simple and relaxing, get on a flight for one hour and check into our airport hotel for a 10 hour flight back home the next day (which should be the tough one). Waiting in line at security check, they have us take out all our liquids into ziplock bags, which we have ready, just not ready to come out if the carry on. Handling that, a toddler who wants to rush off, as well as getting all the other items onto the security belt. Take the little one out of her seat to only discover that she’s had an explosive poop, coming out of her clothes of course, as well as onto the car seat!! Eek! Well, couldn’t do anything about it until we got out of security check. Holding her in a position trying not to get myself dirty as well. Out of security check, holding her , scrambling to arrange our baggage and the active toddler who doesn’t take no for an answer, come to find out we need to go through some passport security check as well! Wtf! Agh! Luckily, there were no lines. We get out only to realize that we left one of our carry ons at security check. Husband rushed back to find and get it. Found. Rush into lounge access, assuming their bathrooms will be nicer and well equipped with nursing rooms (which European countries are so much more accommodating with) only to hear the staff member say, SORRY, no just one men and one women bathroom. Great! I drop all my bags by the nearest seating, take the changing pad with wipes, diaper, and a pair of clothes (that I would’ve never thought I needed) and rush on out to find the closest bathroom. Found it, but doesn’t have a changing table. So I decided to park it right to the side of an area that wasn’t used and changed her right there! Get back into the lounge, take her straight to daddy and say, done, you take her. After awhile I felt terrible. Always looking for someone to put the blame on, but in reality there wasn’t anyone too.
The flight didn’t even go well, she was cranky half way through, seatbelt sign was on, couldn’t get up to rock her, tried all sorts of methods to calm her down, finally distracted her with some peppa pig. Worked a little, after 5 min she passed out, and we landed within 10 min! Had to wait for the stroller to come up, put her in and again, here daddy you take her! Again, the feeling came back.
Feeling horrible. Will have to relax and let the husband know how stressed I was in the current moment and maybe we could do kid swap (2 vs 1) for a couple hours at a time.
OMG Dhanika! I feel you mama!! Traveling with kids is definitely a spiritual lesson on patience FOR SURE. Thank you so much for so vulnerably sharing your story because not only does it help me know that I’m not alone, I know all the other moms who have had similar traveling fiascos completely understand our pain. So glad that you are home safe and sound.
I think now I accept breakdowns and tantrums to happen while traveling. We change up our kids schedule so much that it’s bound to effect their behavior in some way. But the solution with the 2 to 1 kid swap seems like a really good solution!!
Sending you so much love!!